The Wall

I don't know who built it, but I'm tearing it down!

It's the best and the worst part of a workout. This past Saturday was a perfect example. It was 5pm. I was exhausted from the day (even though it didn't feel like I had really done anything!), hadn't made or even thought of what to make for dinner, dishes piled in the sink, baby starting to get fussy, and I didn't have much time before I would need to be back from the gym anyway - basically every excuse to stay home and skip the swim. But a supportive and insistent husband practically pushed me out the door, for which I am grateful. 

Well, I nearly dozed off in the warm pre-pool shower that everyone is "supposed" to take.  Thoughts of swimming pyramids led to slight fears of being found later at the bottom of the pool - I really did not have high hopes for how much I would accomplish. Just being in a suit, in the water, hair wet, with goggles squished to my face felt like some sort of victory in itself. But since I was there already and the only lane open was the "fast" lane, I decided I better not disappoint the spectators in the hot tub. 

I began with my usual 100m breaststroke warm-up....so why were my triceps already feeling the burn at 25m??? Yikes. Then, after a long breather, I took to freestyle. Somewhere in the next 100m (when I realized my time crunch), I got a crazy idea - "let's see how far I can swim before the time I have to leave". So 100m, turned into 200.....then 300.... then BAM! there it was, that blasted wall.

It rears its ugly head at different places for different people and activities, but it always shows up. No matter how many times you tear it down, it is magically resurrected by the next workout... but I suppose that is part of the fun. One thing I have noticed is that the more you consistently fight through it, the easier it becomes to fight the next time ("attitude memory"...similar to muscle memory). But it's like that game we used to play at recess, "red rover"... if you don't give your all to get through it, or you chose not to try at all, it then owns you and your progress is stopped.

So let me take you through my demolition process:

The first thing I feel when I hit "the wall" is what I will refer to as the resistance band effect (RBE). Picture a massive, thick rubber band.... then imagine tons of them connected to your limbs/muscles, all pulling in the opposite way you want to go.... that is what RBE feels like. There is a heaviness, a breathlessness, and usually some level of pain associated. Thoughts of "I can't do this anymore" are a common symptom.

This is what triggers the first of 3 steps I have identified to get through the wall:

#1. Panic - Your physical state induces a mental moment that shocks the system. When I hit that 300m mark on the swim and felt the RBE, my mind went into survival mode, turning my movements into chaos. Fundamentals? What fundamentals? In this phase, they are thrown out the window. The only purpose for this step is to get you to the next phase, so you best not dwell in it too long. As soon as you realize you have indeed struck the wall, you must allow your mind to enter the next phase. Stop freaking out!

#2. Pause - Now this does not mean that you stop what you are doing. It only indicates the need for taking a brief mental step back to allow yourself to get some kind of grip on this battle. This is where the mind truly takes over the fight and the way I see it you have two main weapons:  distraction or focus on form. This particular swim I chose the latter. And breathing...lots of breathing! My form became my only thoughts - it became my rhythm...you have to re-find your rhythm! "Kick, stroke, BREATHE, keep kicking, etc." You have to think it so loud that your ears can almost hear it, even under water; so loud that the screaming pain of your body becomes muffled by your focus. Each rhythmic cycle chisels away at that wall, one brick at a time.

Mirinda Carfrae - she's awesome

#3. Persistence - Then "just keep swimming" as they say...or running or biking or whatever it is you are doing. Your body may desparately want to revert back to the old ways of panic mode, but that cannot be allowed. Those who do the most damage to their wall and then turn back will find it harder than ever to return. Don't give up the fight. "let the rhythm take you over..." (name that tune!). Gradually, your thoughts can get quieter as your body stops fighting against you. And sooner or later, sometimes without even realizing it, you will be on the other side of the wall, victorious, feeling like you could go on forever.... For me, forever had to stop at 1000m due to time, but the feeling of overcoming is priceless. 

Anyway, that's just me...bring on the next one.

***Where does your wall strike? How do you tear it down? 

Moments of Momentum

Let me introduce you to one of my new best friends. Momentum.

What do I mean by momentum? Some would call it the snowball effect. It's that intangible force that pushes the team that was once down 20, to go on a 15-0 run to put them within arm's length of victory, and it all started with one clutch defensive stop. It's the crazy desire to clean the entire house after experiencing the mere satisfaction of doing one round of dishes. It's the feeling that nothing can stop you after changing your life for the better in the smallest way, giving you the belief that you can overcome the most daunting of your weaknesses. For me, it's 5am.

I say 5am because I usually wake up to feed my little cutie at 4/4:30am. When she was 4 weeks old, I wanted to try jogging again so badly, but with Leilani's schedule, and Landon's schedule, and me trying to adjust and heal, I thought there was no time and that I had no energy. I realized the only time I would be able to workout that week would be in the wee hours of the morning. Oh boy, I am not a morning person. Even when I used to be a full-time missionary, getting up at 6:30am every day was a challenge. Every. Day. But I had done it, and I decided to try this whole morning thing for a different reason - I was already sleep-deprived anyway, why not give it a shot? 

That is when I started recognizing the momentum in my life. I discovered that after I had my baby fed and burped, I was magically more conscious and coherent than I ever thought I would be. Using that momentum of wakefulness, I put on my running garb - it felt so good to tie on those shoes again. That feeling gave me the boost I needed to actually walk out the door and leave my now-sleeping baby in the care of her likewise snoozing daddy. Though it was a slow-paced and slightly achy "run" (if I could even call it that), that was the jump-start of one of my most productive days in weeks. All because I took advantage of the tiny spark of momentum from the beginning and let it keep rollin. Now some of my 5am's are spent at the gym swimming laps in the pool or on the stationary bike climbing "hills". It all starts from the opportunity given to me from my beautiful crying baby in the early morning. She could have been my excuse, but I chose to make her my catalyst. Never mind that it's still dark outside when I go run, I just wear a goofy headlamp! 

And here is what has given me my latest momentum boost:

Landon just bought me my first road bike this week - and the fact that it was a steal of a deal adds to the excitement. Just took her out for the first time yesterday (during the brief moment of dry roads between periods of rain/snow...what's with that?!). I might just name her "momentum" cause now I want to ride again and again!
Good thing, cause I'll be putting in a lot of miles the next several months. 

What gives you momentum? Seize it. Milk it for all it's worth. Don't let it fade. Keep it rollin... 

NO Excuses

"If you want something bad enough, you'll make it happen." 

I don't know who said that, or if I've just said it so many millions of times in my own head that I have come to believe it's a famous quote, but wherever the origin, I am a full-fledged believer in that statement. I am an advocate for determination and can't stand when people make excuses, least of all, me. 

Intramural champs

I have always been one to love sport, athletics, and adventure, and I have sought it out as often as possible throughout my life. Call it the endorphin rush or the
challenge of competition, but something about being active has always been a natural high for me - giving me a love of life, a connection with others, a drive for improvement,  and a sense of self. 

4x4 Relay Team

Mountain Biking the Wasatch

But anyone can tell you that some days are easier to roll out of bed than others. Some days you feel like you could break records in every category imaginable, while other days you seem to be stuck in the loser's bracket with no hope of a comeback. Just the thought of going to the gym or getting out in nature exhausts you. Thoughts of "I can't" and "maybe tomorrow" come a'creepin....

I don't like excuses. Do I use them here and there? Absolutely! But I always catch myself in the act... I always know I'm full of it.  Well recently, one of the greatest blessings to ever enter my life has become my biggest excuse. Her name is Leilani.

She is wonderful in every way, and also happens to be the easiest excuse in the book; "I have a baby to take care of now", "I don't have time", "I don't have the energy". I have determined to make her my motivation, not my reasons "why not".

I don't care what your passions or goals are (it could be underwater basket weaving for all I care), but if it is a priority, nothing should stop you. Don't get me wrong, family is my #1, and each priority needs its proper place. There is just no reason why both shouldn't be able to happen.

For me, it began long before that bundle of joy came into the world... I'd say about 9 months before. Being pregnant is an interesting phenomenon, physically. I had heard stories before, but no one can ever tell you enough for you to understand the full experience: No one told me I would wake up every morning feeling like I just got hit by a freight train, and that my eye-lids would weigh ten tons for the rest of the day, nearly every day of the first trimester. No one mentioned the little detail that my joints would soon betray me and that my hips and knees would feel like they didn't belong to the rest of my body anymore. I had never imagined that I would ever get so hungry (3rd trimester), only to stay in a starving state when I realized my stomach had shrunk to be 100x smaller than my appetite (I don't suggest learning that the hard way...it's not pretty). 

It gets to a point where you wonder if you'll ever see your feet again, or if you even have feet!? Let alone if you'll ever be able to tie your own shoes.  

After wallowing briefly in the self-pity of aches and pains, I decided to pay them less regard and get on with doing what I love doing. The 2nd trimester included my first sprint triathlon (and Leilani's consequently). Previous to training I had never swam more than a few laps at a time, but here I was, 4 months pregnant, going 600m in open water. You better believe there were points I thought I might just drown the lake was so choppy (sent up a few prayers), but then I remembered it was only about 5 ft deep, thank goodness... We came in 23rd out of 49 female competitors, not bad. 
A week earlier I had gone on an amazing 20-mile backpacking trip with my husband Landon's family in the Uinta Wilderness. Again, not sure what possessed me, but it sounded fun and the adventure-seeker in me had to go. Worth every step. 

climbing - 5 months pregnant

snowshoeing - 8 months pregnant

My point - if I could do it then, I can do it now. If it was important enough to me then, it can still be important enough to me now. Same with you - NO EXCUSES.

I admit this blog is mostly for selfish purposes. With it, I am now officially accountable to you, the reader, to not let excuses get in my way. 

Part of me just wants to prove to myself that I can do things that most people think they can't. They probably could do it too, I just realize that most allow their excuses to be their barriers and I thrive at the challenge of breaking that norm. 

Leilani is 2 months old now. Triathlon #2 is on the docket. 11 weeks and counting...