Makings of an Iron-mom (Part I)

Pregnancy. Baby #2. Terrible Twos. My Current Triathlon.

Parent or not, everyone has their endurance tests, this just happens to be my current course. Welcome to my life this past year. Welcome to the beginnings of added chaos, exhaustion, uncertainty, and overwhelming...joy? Funny how that works. The most challenging situations often produce the greatest satisfaction. 

You may be familiar with the Ironman Triathlon - one of the most grueling, gutsy races in all of sports: 2.4 mile swim in open water, 112 mile bike, finished off with running an entire Marathon (26.2 mi). Well may I introduce you to my personal Ironman - the one that tests the limits of the body, mind, heart, and soul: the "Iron-mom".

 "Challenging" is exactly what it has been to re-schedule, re-prioritize, and re-balance my life during/since the carrying and birth of my son, especially when it comes to fitness. Let me share a bit of what I have gained from this real-life endurance race so far. Life lessons are everywhere.

First Leg - Second Pregnancy.

Expect the Unexpected. Wow. That was totally not like the first. Perhaps because this time I had a one-year-old daughter to chase around, or maybe it's that my body was already partially out-of-order from the first go, but whatever the reason, it was different. And that is just how it is for everyone - you don't know what it will be like for you or for anyone else. For myself, compared to round 1 it was harder to sleep, easier to focus, harder to remember things, less nausea (thank goodnes!), more tired during the day, and bigger appetite. I became huge way faster, but I was less hard on myself because I knew what to expect. Or did I? I suppose you never know, and that is okay. Just because you puked your guts out the first time, doesn't necessarily mean you will this time. Even if you craved dish soap or constantly wanted to ingest some other unnatural product, this time you may just want fruit, like a normal human being. In the same sense, just because you struck out once, doesn't mean it will happen every time. Sometimes I have caught myself sinking into that mindset - expecting the worst in order to protect myself from unmet expectations. I get myself worked up about camping with kids because last time I was up all night to a wiggly, attention-seeking, adorable little girl (slightly less adorable at 3am in a cold tent...). The problem with that is the fears of yesterday taint the experiences and opportunities of today. The expectations make me not want to go at all, but the truth is that it can be better next time around, and it likely will be if I allow myself to take the risk to enjoy and make precious memories.

Not only do we hold ourselves back based on our own expectations, but the expectations and assumptions that others try to place upon us. This second pregnancy was like that. I read up on every possible article or book or random post on Facebook to tell me what was going to happen to my body, baby, and way of life for those 9 months, even though it wasn't my first rodeo. These are some things I heard:
-  "[So-and-so] ran a marathon at 30 weeks, so you can too!". Wait, why can't I do that? 
- "Don't sleep on your back ever, or your baby will definitely die". Ok, so I exaggerated that one, but I still found myself paranoid every time I woke up in the middle of the night on my back. 
- "If you find yourself eating lots of salty things, it must be a boy". Or you could just wait til your 20wk ultrasound and know for sure! 

We all try to find out or pretend we know what's going to happen before it happens and get ourselves flustered about something that may or may not really happen! [Deep breath]. Relax. Have a little faith. Whatever does happen will be worth it and for the best in the end. It is good to be informed and educated. Expectations and curiosity are normal, but I learned (and am still learning) to not let them run away with my head... or my energy.

Hike to Grinnell Glacier, Glacier NP. Worth every step. (4 Months along)

Energy is like money - invest it, don't just spend it. You only have so much of that anyway, especially when pregnant. Make sure to channel it in the places that really matter and will pay back dividends. For instance, prenatal exercise. For many out there, pregnancy and exercise in the same sentence brings about the drudge look and that "not gonna happen" sigh. I myself had plenty of "I don't feel up to it" days, and many moments of feeling like a train wreck circus in hot air balloon form, but I never once regretted a workout. Perhaps the biggest thing I did right was to simply keep trying. I knew I couldn't do everything, but what mattered is that I could do something, and I gave it my all to do that something. I often failed, but I never stopped trying. The persistence itself was a big-time gain.

(Hint to the men: If you think your wife needs to exercise more, don't ever try to solve her problem by telling her she needs to exercise, or you can expect some sort of projectile in your general direction. Simply ask, "What can I do to help you, honey?", and mean it.)

They say that exercise is also supposed to help you gain energy, and usually it does, but for me during the first trimester, it seemed to only make me narcoleptic. It was ridiculous. I specifically remember several times playing with my daughter, only to find myself waking up! I had actually fallen asleep right in the middle of building a Mega Bloks tower and who knows how long I was conked out! Luckily my daughter was found reading books to her doll, but that is the kind of exhausted I was. Still, I tried to do as much activity as possible for the long-term benefits, even if I felt like a slug while doing so. I walked (or shuffled), I swam (or flapped in the water), I hiked (huffing and puffing), I biked (belly and all!), and had to keep telling myself it would be worth it. One foot in front of the other. Keep the momentum. One thing I did have in my corner was double motivation - my body and my baby. Like I said, I kept trying, and it did pay off. Though exhausted, both my mind and my body began to feel more fit and strong - the results that really matter - and I had an inner belief that strength was transferring to my baby in some way. And who knows, maybe those extra walks helped me be able to look down and see my feet just a little bit longer.  I couldn't do everything, but I could do something.

What was my biggest "something"? When I was 4 months pregnant with Joseph, I decided to TRI again (something I love) with a local sprint triathlon. Somehow I came in 1st place in my age group! But it is more about the journey than the destination. Although the first place medal was an exciting surprise, the true accomplishment was that I had consistently sacrificed in order to train. Every day? No. For hours? Not even close, but enough to still feel a change for the better, mentally and physically. Because of that, race day was incredibly rewarding. I had set the goal months before, which was key. Discover the something that motivates you and go for it.

Myself (center) and fellow placers in my age group

Cherish Your Children. Another place to put that hard-to-come-by energy. I have realized that whether we give them the energy or not, they will take it one way or another, so why not take charge of how it gets passed along?

As baby boy came closer to his arrival, I began to understand how our lives would be forever changed. In all the excitement preparing for his birth, I had scarcely realized the truth that soon my daughter would never be an only child again, and my special time with just her would significantly diminish. I then made a point to hold on a little tighter to those precious moments, and create more of them. We went on more walks, we read more stories, we snuggled more, we crafted and baked together (aka we made messes together), we learned together. My changed perspective contributed to a more positive attitude on my part, which in turn produced a happier, cooperative child on her end. 

Last picture taken of my daughter as an
only child, the day before her brother was
born. Playing in Daddy's slippers. I live
for moments like this.

There are numerous things out there demanding our time and attention, many of which are good, but not best. Our children and families deserve the best we can give them, even when.... no, especially when they push our buttons. Which leads me to my last point (for now).

Find Sanctuary. Toward the end of the 9-months my aching back, loose hips, and lack of any sort of balance told me that I should stick to walking or swimming. Being in the pool was an absolute sanctuary from the weight and stress of carrying around a wiggling, karate kicking bowling ball (aka my little man). In the pool my thoughts became miraculously clear. My body could finally, really relax. Sometimes I would lie on top of the water, face down, doing the jellyfish float to fully enjoy the weightlessness. Looking back, that may have made the lifeguard a little nervous, but they hardly pay any attention during lap swim anyway.


My other opportunities for moments of clarity came from someone else. I now believe this is a must for moms. I made friends with another young mom who was searching for someone to swap babysitting during the day. We quickly learned that we both had similar wellness goals and would watch each other's girls weekly for a couple hours in order to help accomplish them. It was truly a win-win: good for the kids' social skills, and essential for our sanity! One of those mornings I went on one of the most refreshing hour-long bike rides of my life to a little place called Paradise. Yes, that is a real town, and boy did it live up to the name that day. I was then able to come back a more engaged, patient mother to an adventurous, independent toddler. When I allowed myself to fortify me, I then had the capacity to give to those I cared about most, without completely emptying the tank.  Simple accounting - if you spend more than you make, you are left in the hole. Investing the needed energy in myself, when appropriate, continues to produce exponential returns.

All that said, I share my experiences simply for ideas. Find what works for you and keep trying. Others' opinions may be noteworthy, but you know yourself better than anyone or any article (including this one). No comparing to others (no sense wasting energy with that). Set your goals, no one else's. Find your passion, keep your pace, and run your race.

(TO BE CONTINUED...The 2nd Leg)

Share with us:

What is your current life race and how are you enduring?
Where do you invest your energy?
What helps you cherish time with loved ones?
 How do you find your sanctuary?